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Author: Josef
Title: Fifty Shades of Truth
Published On: June 7 2015
Genres: Autobiography
Publisher: Fontaine Publishing Group
Pages: 174
Format: eBook
This book may be unsuitable for people under 17 years of age due to its use of sexual content, drug and alcohol use, and/or violence.

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book synopsis

Fifty Shades of Truth is the true story of a man who, for over sixty years, led a double life.

Josef was a husband, a businessman, a friend, but he was also a man hopelessly addicted to sex and all things sexual in nature. Stemming from an assignment his therapist gave him, this book explores the many aspects of sex that are hidden and looked-down upon. Josef’s life was a rollercoaster, littered with massage parlors, mistresses, transsexuals and gay encounters. The things that happened to Josef, most people would find horrifying, twisted, or at least strange. But Josef loved every bit of it. Loved it so much that he continued lying to his wife and everyone he knew for 60 years.
Parts of Josef’s story are very confronting, but Fifty Shades of Truth is a wonderfully entertaining, sometimes humorous, sometimes shocking, sometimes challenging, but always entertaining account of this man’s life. Many other men can only fantasize about some of the things he has experienced.

… a dark journey into the Light

PG & X

It’s been a while now since I’ve sat down and written anything.  I think I’m skirting around the issue, hiding from the idea of acknowledging the most painful part of my life; cheating on my wife and losing her.  It’s too hard.

I sometimes think I will one day stop living like this, but I don’t know how.  I fantasize about moving on with my life, leaving it all behind, and creating a new life for myself, but I don’t know what that would mean.  After living my whole life like this I don’t have any experiences to draw on that will let me paint a picture.  I simply cannot imagine what life might be like, but I know I cannot rewrite history, and I cannot change the life I’ve lived, or sidestep the emotional consequences I’ve created for myself moving forward, whatever they might be.  It’s just a shit way to live.

I’m not really sure why, or what the outcome will be, but I feel compelled to finish what I’ve begun.  My therapist seems to think it’s a good idea and I trust her, so I try to keep writing and see where it leads.  I feel like my writing lets me down, because I don’t know how to truly describe how much I love the world of sex on the one hand, or the agony it puts me through on the other.  Both sides are so opposite and extreme, and the gulf between them is so wide, it’s not possible to see one from the other.  It’s not like I feel lost in the middle of them.  I feel lost in both.

Even now, as I write about my experiences I feel the stirring within me, and could very easily contact Mistress Cassie, or my lovely tranny girl, Chrissie.  Even just catching up with them as old friends would be lovely, but I can’t trust myself to sit down with them over a cup of tea, and stay out of Chrissie’s bed, or Cassie’s dungeon.  I know it’s not a situation I can trust myself with.  The BDSM house Cassie had worked in has closed down, and she is working privately now, but I have her number and she is just a phone call away.  It would just be so easy.  Looking back at my first experiences in those early years, I cannot believe how much I’ve changed.  I have developed a strong sense of identity with the BDSM and transgender communities, and become extremely comfortable in those environments.  The ease with which I can now go into a BDSM house, or be with a tranny, is hard to believe.  It’s also hard to accept because it underlines very clearly what I am up against.

What Top Ten Things are On Your Bucket List


  1. Outlive my wife so she doesn’t have to grieve me.
  2. Learn to speak fluent Mandarin.
  3. Travel to Tibet.
  4. Live long enough to see my brother give up his fear.
  5. Make enough money to help the people on my “Love List”.
  6. Live long enough to see the rebirth of humanity.
  7. Pet a wild bird.
  8. Understand death before I die.
  9. Develop my etheric body so I can use my dream time productively.
  10. For my wife to die happy.