Published On: Sept 17 2016
A dark Journey into the light is the true story of a man who, for sixty years, led a double life.
Josef is lost in a secret world of sexual gratification, a true-life Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, unable to halt the “roller coaster of conflicting emotional extremes that never stopped long enough for me to get off.”
“I gave myself to that sexual playground completely, and loved every minute of it when it was happening. It was only afterwards that spikes of shame, guilt, and self-¬loathing would be driven deep into my heart.”
He traces the beginnings of his obsession to his childhood, where his natural innocent curiosity and need for exploration were at odds with his Catholic upbringing and the view of his extremely repressed mother, both of whom regarded the human body as ‘dirty’ and ‘shameful’.
For sixty years, Josef lived a secret double life. The only people who knew about this other life were the professional mistresses, trannies, and prostitutes with whom he indulged every conceivable sexual fantasy. No one in his ‘other’ life had any idea of who he really was or the things he did.
Yet his secret life claimed a terrible toll. The failure of his first marriage. The loss of his son. The loss of his beloved second wife.
Only after extensive therapy was he finally able to see and feel the light of compassion, and allow the healing energy of forgiveness to begin taking away the pain.
In his journey, Josef explores an astonishing variety of topics. In addition to sexual addiction and the hidden world of BDSM, he delves into the burden of guilt of the Catholic Church, fear, political correctness, non-¬judgment, love and loss, philosophy, the soul, spiritual awakening, and healing.
This is the journey of an ordinary man lost in an extraordinary secret, dark world, who ultimately finds his way out of the tangled mess through the power of love and forgiveness.
There was a leather armchair in the corner across from me, and next to it some kind of apparatus against the wall. I wasn’t sure what it was but it looked like something you could use to restrain someone. It might be my first time here, but I knew where I was and had some idea of what went on, or at least I thought I did.
The thing against the wall was a large X-shaped timber structure, with small metal eye hooks attached at various points. It had a foreboding look, but at the same time I was excited and intrigued by it. I later learnt it was called a St Andrews cross and I would come to love the view from it, with my arms and legs spread, and my naked body shackled against it. But that would all come later, once I’d dived headlong into the exciting world of BDSM. For now, I felt like a country rube who had been dropped in the middle of Times Square.
There were other various loose items around the room, on shelves and hanging from the walls: masks, whips, and dildos. Lots of leather. I smiled to myself through my inebriated haze. What had I expected?
Even without visiting a dungeon, everyone who’s ever thought about it has the stereotypical image of a mistress. Tall, dressed in tight leather outfits, long leather boots, and the mandatory leather whip. In reality, mistresses come in all shapes and sizes, and dress in all kinds of ways. But they’re always sexy.
After a while I heard footsteps approach the door. It opened quietly and the receptionist came into the room with my drink.
“Here you are,” she said, handing me the glass. “The mistresses won’t be long now. Make yourself comfortable.”
I thanked her as she left the room and I drank my bourbon, syphoning it through the ice she had put in the glass and draining it in a gulp. I remember thinking it was way too much ice, and made a mental note to pass on the coke next time.
I placed the glass on the table and stood up, wondering where I’d be most comfortable, and whether I should be sitting or standing when the mistresses came in. I decided to sit and went to the other side of the room and sat in the armchair, next to the St Andrews cross. It was directly facing the door I’d entered through, and diagonally opposite, and also gave me a clear view of the second door in case the mistresses came through that one.
I sat and waited. My mind was numb with anticipation…what was taking so long! It seemed time had gone into slow motion. I couldn’t think anymore, wondering what was going to happen, and what it would be like, so I tried to sit quietly and waited.
More footsteps. Finally!
This time when the door opened, I got my first look at a mistress.